


When I Was Young

by crazy4malex



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2019-12-29 02:03:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18298040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazy4malex/pseuds/crazy4malex
Summary: What happened to Michael and Alex when they were young made them who they are today.





	1. Chapter 1

When Michael was 7, he remembered trying to calm Isobel down by drawing the only thing that soothed her. He drew the symbol over and over again on the wall. And when he stopped, she started crying again. He stopped momentarily when the group home woman, Mrs. Tooley, brought in an attractive young couple.

When he stopped drawing, Isobel started to cry again so Max held her and Michael started drawing it once again.

"Here they are Mr. & Mrs. Evans. They were brought in together and none of them has spoken a word since they were found." Mrs. Tooley explained.

Isobel was still crying and Max was still soothing her. Michael swallowed hard for he knew what meeting these people meant. He'd seen other kids meet adults and then they were taken away. Mrs. Tooley told them later that they had been taken to nice homes to be loved and taken care of. 

Michael held his breath as the couple looked over the three of them and with Isobel still crying. Michael wanted Isobel to be loved and taken care of so he drew the symbol some more.

Before he knew what was happening, Isobel and Max were gone and Michael was left alone. The only two people he knew and trusted in this world and they were gone.

When Alex was 7 he had left some clothes on the floor in his haste to go outside and play baseball with his brothers. His father had broken a stick over his back and given him nothing to eat for a week. He had been locked in the closet with only water rations for 5 days. He had cried for his mother the whole time. His mother had left them, left him to a monster. He just wanted his mother's soft words and softer body to hold him and love him. Why had she left him? It was cold in that closet and he couldn't sleep much. He'd counted the days carving with his nail in the wall, sobbing all the while. Why couldn't someone love him. What did he do wrong?

When Michael was 8 he went into the foster system and wound up with two angry meth heads. There was never any food in the house. When he was able to make it to school, he would get fed breakfast and lunch, but would go to bed hungry at night. Michael hated the weekends. He didn't get fed until Monday morning unless he stole some small cartons of milk or a candy bar at the local gas station. And the weekends were when the angry couple would party with friends. Then Michael was open game for whoever needed a punching bag. 

Michael got smart real early on and would go sleep in the desert whenever he could. He would bring the one thin wool blanket he had with him and would hunch up on the ground and sleep as best he could. All the while wondering why he wasn't loved. What had he done wrong?

When Alex was 10 he was used to the abuse, or so he thought, but this time he had gotten thrown off of his brother's motorcycle. He'd been sent to the emergency room with his head split open across his forehead, a busted leg and left shoulder and had bruised a kidney. His brother had been driving and said he was sorry, but when Alex came home from the hospital he also wound up with a broken nose, his other arm broken and welts on his back. It was his fault for distracting his brother and ruining an expensive bike. 

Again he had been left with only water and no way to move around during the day when his brothers were at school. He just lay on the bed with no way of moving with his broken body. When his brothers got home, he cried because he had wet the bed and was ashamed the had to clean him up quickly before their father came home. 

His brothers were also abused by their father, but not like Alex. For some reason the monster really had it out for Alex. The monster always blamed him for their mother leaving. Said if he was a better kid she wouldn't have left.

Alex cried himself to sleep at night until he didn't have any more tears left. Why was he so unlovable? What had he done wrong? 

When Michael was 10, he was put into the care of a violent drunk. Again there was never any food in the house. But the worst part was it was summer, so there was no food during the day either. He had resorted to stealing regularly and gotten pretty good at it. He stuck to gas station food since it was the easiest to get away with. He would wait for a woman to walk into the gas station either by herself or even better if there were kids with her. Then he just went in with them, and walked out with them as well. 

But there was never enough to get rid of that pain in his stomach for lack of food. And when he wasn't worried about food, he was terrified when his foster father drank too much and whipped him with his belt, across his back, leaving him bleeding and raw, and with no way to clean it. He quickly learned that this was his fate in life. He had to have done something really awful. He just wished he knew what it was, so he could stop it. He would lay awake many nights just laying on his stomach until the pain numbed and his hunger pains went away on their own.

When Alex was 11, he was caught with a muscle magazine. His brothers had been caught with Play Boys and slapped on the back for it. But the rage on his father's face when he'd seen the muscle magazine had terrified him. He had hoped his father would believe he wanted to build muscle on his scrawny frame. Instead he had guess right and assumed Alex bought it for the pictures. Both were correct. He did want to gain muscle, but the lure of the magazines had been the men in them.

It was the first time Alex had found out who he was. And this was the worst offense his father could think of. He'd beaten Alex so bad that he had had to miss school for two months. His face had been beaten to the point he could barely see and his mouth had been wired shut. He had broken his right arm again, his hip and his back. The bat to his back had also caused him to lose his spleen. 

Their father had taken him to the emergency room and told the doctors that he had been in a fight with an older kid who had taken a bat to him. Alex had shivered knowing who had really used the bat. CPS had come to the hospital and Alex had kept to the story his father had woven. He didn't need another beating with that bat. 

Now at least he knew why he was so unlovable. His father had told him over and over again as he was repeatedly beating him with that bat. He was evil. Only the devil would make one boy lust after another boy. It was evil and wrong. 

It was the first time he'd understood what the word fag had meant. Apparently he was a sick perverted fag and that was why his mother had left. She'd been ashamed of him. This more than anything else, hurt the most. Now he knew why his mom had left him with the monster. There was something wrong with him. 

When Michael turned 11 he was sent back to Roswell and into yet another foster home. He had stopped hoping this one would be better. He was soon sent into another form of hell. The couple were religious fanatics. He didn't know what that meant when he first got there, but he'd soon found out. Every time he couldn't live up to their religious rules, he was burned with a cigar his foster father smoked. His foster father was head of his church and Michael had to live up to very high standards. 

When Michael couldn't, he'd been burned. He'd been found with a Play Boy at 12, and threatened with fire to keep the devil away. When he'd been caught holding hands with a boy, he'd learned what was meant by fire. There were so many burn marks on his back he couldn't feel it any longer. There was no way to take care of them, and no one that would. He didn't know which was worse, the belt buckle from his last foster home or the cigar burns. 

When his back became scar tissue, the cigar burns then started in on his butt. He'd cried out until he was hoarse, but the burns kept coming. At least he now knew why he was so unlovable. He was the devil. He was perverted. Perverted for looking at women undressed, and for holding a boy's hand. 

After awhile Michael had learned to do nothing to anger his foster crazies. He toed the line, got good grades, which was easy, and cause no more problems. 

He had finally let Max know of his scars on his back and the burns on his butt. He needed to be able to go to school so he could get out of the shit hole one day. He had Max heal his back and butt and it looked like he's never been burned. 

Right after that CPS showed up and Michael was removed from that home and sent to live with another drunk, but this one just ignored him and his wife just yelled at him a lot.

Whenever possible he stayed away from home. Again, taking up sleeping in the desert. The peaceful night sky as his blanket.

When he was old enough to work, he saved up enough to buy a used truck. It barely ran but it ran enough to get him to school and the desert so he could sleep there at night. He never tried again to buck the system or hope for love.

After Alex's horrific beating, he'd played the perfect kid until he was 15. Then he'd rebelled. He figured since CPS had them on their radar again, now was the time to do what he wanted. To taunt his father. He started dressing half punk, half Goth. It bothered his father, but not like when he was caught with the magazine. They were under CPS' radar again due to something his oldest brother had done. He'd been 'punished' enough to leave bruises and they were noticed in his gym class by the teacher.

When Alex was in his senior year of high school, he'd fallen in love for the first and last time. He had known about Michael Guerin, and the rumors all over campus, but he'd not bothered with all that. He'd had his own problems. Then the more they crossed paths, the more he was drawn to Michael Guerin. And soon the young man had become his obsession. He looked for every excuse to be around him. 

When Guerin had taken his guitar he had the perfect excuse to go after him.  
When he realized that Michael did indeed live in his truck, he'd hurt for him and casually mentioned his tool shed since he knew Guerin would not want charity. 

When Guerin had asked if the rumors about him were true he hadn't answered. He'd just looked him in the eye and walked away, mentioning the shed over his shoulder. He wasn't ashamed of who he was, only he didn't think it was anyone's business, including one Michael Guerin. 

When Michael was a senior in high school he fell in love for the first and last time. He'd heard of the rebellious punk/Goth guy who didn't care what people thought about him, especially since it was rumored he was gay. This idea of being rebellious drew him in. He had lived most of his life in fear of being rebellious because of the consequences. He'd also heard that the guys father was a military man and very strict. So how was Alex Manes allowed to parade around like a hellion. This fascinated Michael. He'd also heard rumors of how strict the Manes' father was on his sons.

When he'd gotten his first up close look at Alex Manes, his heart beat faster and his hands became sweaty. At first he thought he was sick, but then realized it only happened around one Alex Manes, and he knew what love sick meant. He had been trying to figure out a way of getting close to his love interest for days when he found the perfect way. He'd done what he did best and stolen Alex Manes' guitar. 

Alex Manes a spit fire when he'd come after his guitar. Seeing Alex up close made Michael's stomach flutter, his heart pound and his hands become sweaty. They'd exchanged banter and when Alex had mentioned the rumors about Michael must be true, Michael had gotten defensive and asked the same of Alex. And he really, really wanted to know the answer. But Alex had stared him down and mentioned the tool shed behind his house and left.

A few nights later Alex had borrowed his brother's guitar and brought it out to the tool shed where the light was on. He'd startled Michael, but had eased the guy's fears and handed him the guitar. He'd seen the interest for the slightest second in Guerin's eyes when he'd sat close to him. 

He took a chance and slowly leaned in to kiss Michael. He'd done so slowly to give the guy plenty of time to pull back if he'd wanted to. But he'd gotten excited when he was almost an inch from Michael's lips and Michael was breathing shallow. But at the last minute, as if having come back to his senses, he'd turned away. Alex tried not to let it show how disappointed he was and just listened to Michael play. He loved listening to Michael play.

Michael could have kicked himself as he played the guitar after Alex had left. Alex wanted to kiss him! His Alex. And he had been an idiot and pulled away at the last minute. What a loser he thought to himself. He had wanted that kiss, his first guy kiss, to be with Alex. And he'd dreamed about it for weeks now. So what the hell was wrong with him. Nerves, he knew it was nerves. And he was going to build up the nerve to confront Alex and lay one on him.

A few days later Alex was working at the UFO Museum when Michael stepped up to the glass partition. He'd asked if they could talk privately. Alex had asked, "Now?" and Michael had nodded. Alex swallowed. Might as well get it over with. He put up the sign that he'd be back in 5 min. and went to meet Michael in the back of the museum. He was expecting to be laid out for trying to kiss a straight guy. He waited. The punch itself wouldn't hurt. That would be a piece of cake for Alex, but knowing it was from his first love, would kill him.

Michael knew Alex was prepared to be punched out but he couldn't talk and explain or he'd lose his nerve. He just went for it. He pulled Alex in by the face, and laid one on him. When they broke apart Michael watched Alex for any signs he wasn't interested, and when all he saw was surprise, he'd smiled. His first guy kiss had been amazing. And it had been with his Alex. Then Alex too smiled and they'd met half way for the next wave of kisses.  
They couldn't stop. They would come up for air and go back to kissing. They both learned how to really kiss that afternoon in the museum. 

Alex had to keep going back to the booth incase someone wanted to buy a ticket, but after a few minutes of no activity he'd put the sign up again and gone back for more kisses.

"You're my first real kiss, Michael." Alex shivered as they kept kissing.

"My first real kiss too, Alex. I tried kissing a girl last year but it was just a peck on the lips. Not a real kiss. She wouldn't let me kiss her for real." Michael explained.

Alex stiffened. He blinked, then narrowed his eyes.. "So your not gay? This is just...what? A game? Are you trying to see if the rumors are true? Did someone put you up to this?" 

"What? No! Alex, relax, I'm bi." Michael explained. And to prove it, he sucked Alex's tongue in his mouth and devoured him. He couldn't get enough of Alex Manes.

Alex believed him and kissed Michael back just as hungrily. 

"Let's go back to the tool shed after you get off work and finish this." Michael whispered against Alex's mouth. They just couldn't stop kissing or touching. Both had sore, swollen wet lips from kissing so much. But they didn't want to stop.

Late that afternoon when Alex got off work, they raced back to his house and tore into the shed in record time. In between one of their kissing bouts, Alex removed Michael shirt and took deep breaths at the sight of his beautiful chest and arms. Breathing hard he saw a shy Michael.

"Have you ever done this before?" Alex asked.

"Oh boy." Michael says under his breath. "Yeah. But not like with a ..." he said out loud.

"With a guy." Alex finished for him and they both laughed.

Alex caressed Michael's chest and lightly held one of his nipples.

"And um, not with someone that I've liked, as much as I like you." Michael confessed.

They looked into each other's eyes and still breathing rapidly they kissed again, this time gentler at first then a little bit more aggressive again. 

Michael helped Alex take of his shirt and they kissed again. They couldn't get enough of each other.

Alex pulled Michael into him and their naked chests touched, leaving them both moaning in pleasure. When Alex pulled Michael in by wrapping his hands around Michael's lower back, their lower halves slid together and they both whimpered. Nothing had ever felt this good.

They fell back on Alex's bed he slept on in the shed and took off the rest of their clothes. They gasped at the sight of another man's body for the first time. Alex tentatively reached out and ran his hand down Michael's chest to his stomach then to his erection. It was hard as stone and yet soft when the skin moved. The skin felt like velvet yet was hard as a rock. He knew his own erection well, but never thought of the soft and hard feelings at the same time. He'd never paid attention before.

And he loved how it made Michael feel. Every time he touched Michael's arousal, Michael groaned and shivered. 

It was Michael's turn and he copied Alex in his path to Alex's erection. He too was surprised how it could be soft and hard at the same time. And he knew for sure he was bisexual. He wanted to keep touching Alex forever.

Before either one could lose it, Alex took them both in his hand and began to rub them together in one hand. Their hard arousals rubbing together while Alex jerked them off.

"What...what are you doing? It feels amazing!" Michael got out as he watched Alex's movements.

"It's called a double jerk." he whispered in Michael's ear as he too watched what he was doing to them. "There's a bunch of other names but this is the one I remembered."

"How do you know that?" Michael gasped out.

"I read a lot on gay stuff." Alex gasped as well. 

Both groaned after only minutes, the whole experience too much for their young, innocent bodies. They both came at the same time, come dripping over each other's erections. The moment so intimate that the two smiled shyly and hugged tightly. Then they cleaned themselves off and started to get dressed.

Alex was tying his shoes and Michael had just finished buckling his belt when he gently squeezed Alex's shoulder. They smiled at each other and then their loving bubble burst.

The door swung open and in the doorway was Sergeant Manes. Alex stood up and put himself in front of Michael. Alex saw his father close the door silently and swallowed. When his father reached for the hammer, Alex was terrified.

"Dad..." he winched when his father still hadn't said anything. As he father gripped and twisted the hammer in his hand Alex put his two hands together and put it up to his lips as if praying for this not to happen. 

"This ends now. How dare you , under my roof" Jesse Manes growled low.

"Dad this has nothing to do with you." Alex exclaimed as he father came up into his face. 

Jesse Manes was in a rage. He pushed Alex up against a wall and held one hand against his throat.

"Everything you do has to... I will not be humiliated." he choked his son a little harder.

Michael couldn't take it any longer. He cried out.

"Don't you touch him!" Michael grabbed Jesse Manes arm that was strangling Alex and before he knew what was happening Jesse pulled Michael across the room and put his hand on the table and raised his other hand with the hammer. As he lifted it up Alex cried out.

"Dad, NO!!!!!!!!!" Alex was crying now, his voice hoarse and he sobbed when his father smashed the hammer down on Michael's hand.

Michael screamed and Alex grabbed the hammer out of his father's hand as he raised it again and stood there sobbing, but not giving an inch.

Jesse Manes looked from the hammer to his son and calmly stated.

"We're not done with this. You will never see this boy again or I'll smash his other hand and who knows what else. I want him out of here in 5 minutes or I'll be back." Jesse Manes promised in a low, calm voice that terrified Alex.

When his father left, Alex dropped the hammer and ran to Michael. He sobbed harder when he saw the mess Michael's hand was in.

"I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry, Michael." Alex kept saying as he looked for the first aid kit that was kept in the shed.

"It's...It's ...okay. Not...your...fault." Michael gritted out through the excruciating pain. 

Alex found the first aid kit and got out the peroxide to clean the wound before he bandaged it. There was so much blood, Alex had to use two of his t-shirts he kept in the shed to slow the flow of blood. 

"This is going to add to the pain, I'm sorry." Alex said as he cleaned Michael's hand as best he could.

Michael gritted his teeth and tried not to cry out again. He didn't want Alex to feel any worse than he did. And he needed it cleaned. He realized this was the first time anyone had cleaned a wound of his.

He looked up at Alex in amazement. Alex Manes was the first person to care about him.

When the wound was cleaned and gauze was wrapped around his hand, Michael got up, wincing and shouting out as the pain ripped through his body.

"Michael, I'm so sorry!" Alex said, still crying.

They knew Michael needed to get out of there now. So Alex walked him to the door and he handed Michael two aspirin and a bottle of water.

"This might help a little." Alex whispered, a total wreck.

Michael needed to go somewhere and scream the pain was so strong. He kissed the top of Alex's head to let him know Michael didn't blame him, and he left.

Michael drove out to the desert and pulled out bottles of nail polish remover and gulped them down. He gasped in pain and drew in deep breaths, the blood seeping though the wound though the make shift bandage.

Suddenly he felt another searing pain and cried out Isabel's name.

Later he watched the fire of Rosa's car and tears ran down his cheeks. Life was over as he knew it. 

He wouldn't let Max heal him when Max saw the damage to Michael's hand. He said whoever did it would know if it was all of a sudden healed. He wouldn't tell Max any more than that. What he and Alex had experienced had been magical. 

Michael was gone from school for a week after his hand was smashed. He couldn't show up to school looking like he did with his hand. It had to at least be closed up. He finally went to Max and let him close the wound. It hadn't really stopped bleeding as much as it should have, but he didn't have Max fix it. He just wanted the bleeding to stop.

Alex met him in the desert every night. He couldn't stay away from Michael. He had to see if Michael was ok. If he needed anything. The first night he went out there, Michael told him he was okay and they didn't talk after that. They continued to explore each other and learn each others bodies better than their own.

One night Alex pulled back from Michael and whispered, "I want to make love, go all the way. I...I want you in me." Alex looked down when he said it. He glanced up from under his eye lashes. He was nervous. Not everyone wanted to go all the way and some couples never did. Maybe this was too much for Michael. 

"Yes. I want to be in you. I want to take you. Make you mine. But...I also want you in me. Is that okay?" Michael whispered back.

A cute little dimple showed on Alex's face as he smiled shyly. "Yeah, oh yeah." he swallowed.

Michael looked at a loss. Alex smiled with that adorable dimple of his and looked shyly up at Michael again.

"I...ah...looked up some more stuff...just in case, and got some supplies too." He turned red, and in the fading light Michael could see it. He smiled to let Alex feel at ease and to let him know he was okay with all of it.

"Okay, good." He sucked in his breath when he saw a tub of lube. He knew what that was for. Even he knew that much about gay sex. 

"You go first since I read up on how to do this okay?" Alex furrowed his brow and a thoughtful expression came over his face.

"Or would you rather I talk you through the process and I'll go first. I really want you in me." Alex whispered with a needy breath. 

"I'll go first" Michael said calmly. He knew Alex was nervous so he stayed calm, and that's what he felt. He wasn't worried. He was thrilled to be with Alex in a new and exciting way. "I don't want you to have to talk me into it and I hurt you."

Alex sounded relieved when he sighed, but also a little sorry he couldn't go first.

Alex slowly prepared Michael and told him what he was going to do every step of the way. Not wanting to scare Michael. This was all new and would be a little painful their first time. 

He was glad they had started bringing Alex's mattress from the tool shed to be comfortable on.

"I trust you, Alex." Michael smiled looking back at his lover.

They usually made out facing each other but Alex explained that it hurt less the first time if taken from behind. 

Alex lubed up his finger and poured some on Michael's hole, catching it before it hit the mattress. He took his finger and slid it into Michael and slowly moved it in and out. Michael was so tight. He heard Michael hiss and stopped.

"You okay?" He asked worriedly. Placing his other hand on Michael's lower back to soothe him.

"Yeah! Oh yeah. It feels great." Michael said enthusiastically pushing back to feel Alex's finger slide into him again.

Alex smiled and lubed up his next finger, now slowly entering two fingers. Stretching Michael further. Sliding them in and out slowly at first, but then faster when Michael grunted.

"Faster, babe, faster, it feels amazing! You have got to try this." Michael said in between grunts.

"Doesn't it hurt?" Alex asked. Surprised.

"A little, when you first slid a finger in, but then if feels so good. You're doing an terrific job, Alex."

After that Alex continued doing the slow then faster moves as Michael egged him on. 

When it was time for him to take Michael, he swallowed. He was so hard he was afraid he would hurt Michael.

"Come on, babe, I want you so bad!" Michael grunted as he jerked himself off.

That put Alex into motion and after pouring almost half the bottle on his hard erection, he slowly entered his love. He went easy at first and only moved further in when Michael told him to.

"Keep going, babe, please." Michael groaned, and pushed back to get more of Alex into him.

Alex was all the way in and couldn't hold still for too much longer. It was amazing being inside Michael, and the feeling of suction he felt was unbelievable. 

"Okay, move, oh you feel so good in me, Alex. So good! You're taking me and it's so sexy!" Michael groaned and continued talking.

Alex smiled, glad it was as good for Michael as it was for him.

Alex went faster and gave both of them what they needed.

"I can't last much longer, Michael. I can't..."

"I'm right behind you, Alex. I'm....ahhhh coming." Michael cried out.

Alex let loose at that and came himself. Hard and fast. He did his own groaning and finally fell to the side of Michael and took in deep breaths that Michael was doing as well.

They were both looking up at the sky and turned to each other and smiled and turned into each others arms and kissed.

"Your turn." Michael smiled with narrowed eyes, filled with excitement and lust.


	2. Chapter 2

Michael came up on his hands when Alex nodded with excitement in his eyes.

"Okay, turn over." Michael said to Alex.

"No." Alex whispered holding both of Michael's forearms and looking him in the eyes. 

"I want to look at you when you slide inside of me for the first time." he said softly and gently cupped Michael's cheek with one of his hands.

"Are you sure? You said it will hurt more the first time." Michael reminded him. He spoke hoarsely when he thought of what Alex had said. Alex turned him on like no one else ever could. Alex was his friend as well as his lover. He just got Michael. Michael didn't need to say anything.

"I don't mind the pain. I just want to feel you inside me. I want you to take me and I want to see your face when you enter me for the first time." Alex smiled boldly now.

"Okay then." Michael nodded and narrowed his eyes. "You're becoming a bossy bottom already aren't you?" he teased.

Alex laughed and Michael realized he didn't hear that very often. He loved the sound of Alex's laugh. And he adored that dimple. It was adorable and yet sexy at the same time.

Michael went slow, doing what Alex had done to him and like Michael, Alex was soon begging for more.

"Please, Michael, more. I need more. I need you to fill me. I feel empty." Alex cried out, holding on to Michael's forearm, while Michael's other hand slowly guided him into Alex. 

He went slow, the hardest part was getting his head in. He knew that was the hardest part for him. But after that, you wanted it all.

Alex winced as Michael pushed forward and got the head of his arousal in Alex. 

Alex took deep breaths but as soon as the head was though, he went crazy.

"More Michael! I want all of you. Fill me up, babe, I need all of you in me. I want to feel you." he pleaded.

Michael wanted it just as much. The more he pushed gently into Alex's body the better it felt. 

"Oh my God, Alex! You feel so good, babe! Wow...you're so tight. You are so beautiful." Michael said as he finally pushed all the way in.

"Oh Michael!" Alex cried as he watched Michael slowly push the rest of the way in. "You're inside me. It's amazing! Michael, my Michael!" Alex sighed.

He held tight to Michael's forearms as Michael started moving inside him.

Michael looked down at Alex's beautiful face, the face he would never forget. He watched how he was pleasing Alex and how amazing it felt to be inside of him.

Alex looked up at Michael. He could see the love in Michael's eyes as he met Alex's eyes. Michael was beautiful and sexy and his. 

They both looked their fill of each other and slowly Michael leaned down and their lips met for the first time since making love. 

Michael took Alex's mouth the way he took his body. He slipped his tongue into Alex's mouth and their tongues did a dance of love then Michael slipped his tongue in and out of Alex's mouth they way his body did the same.

Alex was ready to explode when he watched Michael lean up from their kiss and close his eyes as it became too intense not to come. That alone made Alex come. He shot between them and then heard Michael's guttural cry and he came too.

"You're so beautiful, Alex." Michael whispered against Alex's mouth. He kept kissing Alex gently, softly whispering to him in between kisses. 

"Michael, you're so sexy. You are a great lover." Alex sighed against Michael's lips. They held each other the rest of the night in between bouts of love making. They were addicted.

Michael was able to go back to school after Max closed the wound. Alex would sneak out of the house whenever he could and Michael and Alex would make love under the stars. Once Jesse Manes was called out of town for a week and Alex spent every night with Michael. They couldn't get enough of each other. 

They spent the whole summer together before it all came crashing down on them again.

Alex snuck back into the house in the early part of the morning, just before daylight and as he crawled in though his window his light came on and there sat him father in a chair waiting for Alex.

Alex turned ashen and awaited his punishment. He didn't try to deny what he'd been doing.

"Nothing to say for yourself? No excuses even?"

Alex kept quiet, he knew what could happen to him if he spoke when his father spoke softly and gravelly like this.

"You have two choices. One, you enlist into the air force and get as far away from here as possible. Two, you stay here and I do much more to your boyfriend then take a hammer to his hand. He's out in the desert a lot. It would be easy to get someone to go out there and take a bat to him until there's not much left." His father stated calmly, but underneath the calm Alex could see his jaw twitching and his hands clenched. He didn't doubt his father would do just what he said. 

"How do I know you won't go after him even after I'm gone?" Alex asked with narrowed eyes.

Jesse Manes smiled with cold dead eyes. "You don't."

Alex shivered as he looked at his father. He finally got up the nerve to talk back. "You're a monster." he said with disgust. 

Jesse Manes laughed. "I've been called worse." the monster grinned with those dead eyes.

Alex knew there was only one thing he could do. He'd explain to Michael what he had to do, but he wouldn't tell him why. That would kill Michael. Maybe he should hurt Michael so he'd find someone else. Someone without a monster as a father. Someone who could get killed overseas. God he hurt just thinking of what he had to do.

"I'll enlist tomorrow. I'll tell Michael tonight." Alex said numbly. He couldn't win against his father.

"You tell that perverted piece of shit not to say anything to anyone. I will not have rumors spreading about a son of mine. And don't tell him to wait for you or I'll hurt him. You tell him whatever you have to, to get that perverted fag to move on."

Alex wouldn't tell his father that's what he'd planned anyways. He was done with his father. Once he was sent away he would never have to live under his father's roof again.

That night Alex went out to see Michael again. He had spent the day preparing what he would say. Three times he had gotten physically ill thinking of what he had to say. 

Now he took a deep breath and when Michael reached for him he pulled away. 

"You know I was thinking. My dad's right. I am going no where here. I hadn't thought of that. There's nothing here worth staying for. I was thinking of enlisting in the air force like my dad and brothers. Make it a real Manes family trait." Alex got out in one breath. He felt sick already.

Michael's mouth practically hung open. "What? Since when do you care what your father thinks? I thought you wanted to be a musician? And...and what did you mean there's nothing here?" Michael swallowed. Everything was too fast. What was happening? Was he dreaming?

"Alex?" he asked when Alex didn't answer or look at him.

Alex finally turned around. "I guess I was thinking about my life and what I could do for real and you're going to be going to UNM and I figured it would pay for my schooling if I enlisted. It's what all my brothers did."

"But I would come home on the weekends? Or you could come see me?" Michael swallowed around a lump in his throat.

Alex laughed hollowly. "Get serious Guerin. What am I going to do in this town while waiting for you? Really? You want me to hang around this little shit town waiting for you?"

The pained look on Michael's face made Alex torn between throwing up and killing his dad. Probably throwing up on his dad would be best. He swallowed his own bile.

"Besides, I already enlisted earlier today." Alex got out with a smile that if you looked closely only raised the corners of his face. And since it was dark out, he figured Michael wouldn't realize how painful and how much of an act this was for him.

"I didn't expect you to sit around. No. You could come to UNM with me. They have a music program there." Michael said in almost a whisper. He knew it was not going to happen and he didn't know what to think.

"And what am I going to do as a musician huh? Go around the country getting paid shit to play in someone else's dive bar? Or hang out in Hollywood like a real loser and wait tables hoping for my big break. Get real." Alex scoffed. He was trying to make Michael mad enough to end this and tell him to get lost.

"I...you enlisted? Today?" Was all Michael could process. He was hanging on by a thread. All of this had come as a shock to him.

When Michael didn't seem to be able to get mad, Alex had to do something else. Something he had hoped Michael would do instead of him. But he had to get away from Michael before he threw up.

"Well, sorry about springing this on you all at once, but my dad has been talking about this all summer, and it finally really makes sense to me. I mean, really, how much longer are we going to just hang out and fuck? I mean, it just wouldn't work Guerin. I gotta go, I'm leaving first thing in the morning. I...I'll see...good luck in school." 

And he took off in his truck as fast as he could and as soon as he was clear of the truck and his lights couldn't be seen any longer, he pulled over and threw up everything including his stomach lining. Every word he'd said, every shocked or hurt look Michael had given him made him retch again. And in between retching, he sobbed his heart out and it ached like he was having a heart attack. What was he doing? Crushing the love of your life obviously. And every look of pain or shock he remembered on Michael's face, had killed a little bit more of Alex. There was nothing left but pain and disgust for himself. And he would never be the same again.

Michael just sat there after Alex had left. He was still in shock. Then it hit him. Alex was gone. For good. There wouldn't even be a good bye. He had just...left. Suddenly the hurt and pain flooded him and he cried out, letting some of the pain out.

He cried out Alex's name into the open skies. As a coyote would howl at the moon. And then he just sobbed. He curled up in the back of his truck and cried for what he had lost. He was going to go to UNM only if Alex went, even if it meant he left Max and Isobel. But now...he had nothing. Nothing but Max and Isobel. But they weren't his other half, his soul mate, his one true love.

He thought of going after Alex, but realized Alex didn't want him. He had said some horrible things and then couldn't get away from Michael any faster. All of Michael's insecurities set in and he couldn't go begging Alex after he'd been dumped so painfully. He would just beg and that would be degrading. Especially if Alex looked at him with pity. No. Alex was gone. And Michael would never be the same again.

 

Alex hated training. He didn't mind being treated like shit, he felt he deserved much worse than that. He missed Michael. He hated training and the air force in general because his heart was still aching. He was sure he was feeling Michael's pain as well as his own. It had been a month but he felt like he'd been gone forever.

He kept reliving how he'd been that night he'd blown off Michael. He would have preferred getting beaten with a bat again then hurt Michael like that.

Michael took a job at the local junk yard that also fixed cars. He was a junk seller/mechanic. It was cheap, but he didn't need anything. He bought a trailer he had fixed up himself and moved it onto the UFO site in the desert. He brought the junk and automobiles to the new site he now lived on and worked out of his back yard if you could call it that. But he didn't care. Nothing mattered but what he had started doing.

He had started to draw up blue prints for a space craft. He had been collecting pieces of the debris he knew was from the ship, as it didn't match any minerals of this earth. The pieces he was collecting he hoped would help make the craft some day.

He would sit outside his trailer on old wooden chairs in front of an old fire pit at night and look up at the sky as he drank beer. Lots of beer. And he waited. He hoped someone up there would come back for him.

Maybe they left him here by mistake. Maybe someone, just once, would come back for him. And even if they didn't come back, he wanted to go home. And he would some day. After all, there was nothing for him here. Max was training to become a deputy and Isobel had met someone and was working at the hair salon while dating Noah Bracken. They were very busy.

They both had lives now. It seemed the end of the summer had changed everything for all of them. They had all moved on. Except for Michael. He could have gone to UNM now that Isobel was happy, but he didn't want to go any longer. The only thing that was important to him was building the space craft to get off of this miserable planet.

Months went by, then a year. Alex was training to become an expert hacker. He already had untrained skills, which was why he made a good candidate for training. That would be very useful in Iraq and Afghanistan. And sure enough, he did go to Iraq after another year. He did secret missions with seals and rangers. They blew up stuff and people, and he hacked into stuff.

None of them thought that the next mission could be their last. It was taboo to think that way. They always had another mission.

 

Michael continued to draw blueprints and build his ship when he wasn't fixing cars or selling junk. During the day he hated Alex for what he had done and how he had done it. He had chosen his father over him. He had torn his 17 year old heart in pieces. He had left him like everyone else had. 

At night he would look up at the sky and wonder where Alex was and if he was safe. Please let him be safe was his mantra at night.

Sometimes he even woke up in the middle of the night gasping for breath and drenched in sweat. He'd dreamed that Alex had been killed over there and he hadn't known about it until someone had sent his body home. He would hear Alex's cries as he was shot or blown up. He didn't want to think of what other ways he could die over there. 

 

Alex's tour of duty ended and he thought about going home to see Michael. He had nothing else to go home for. But then he thought, if Michael had moved on, which he was sure he had by now, why would he want to bother him. Bring up old memories best forgotten.

So Alex signed up for another tour. As it was, most of the same men he had worked with before he was going to be working with again. He guessed they didn't have anything to go home to either. These trips in Iraq were more dangerous than usual. He had to get into Terrorist places, camps and hack their computers. The other men would take out the camp or homes, so Alex could slip in. Sometimes they were only able to get the men away from camp or a house and Alex would have to slip in not knowing for sure when someone would be back.

 

Michael kept building his ship. He would comb though the desert of the site he lived on, and collect as many pieces as he could find. He also went to their pods often and tried to figure out if those were ships in and of themselves. 

Isobel came to visit Michael one day about 5 years after Alex left. That was how Michael counted time. It was three months since Alex left. It was three years since Alex left. 

Isobel pulled up in front of the trailer and got out. Michael was leaning back in his truck with his hands behind him. He glance at her and sighed. She usually came by to talk to him about his life and what a genius he was and how he was wasting it here in the junk yard as she called it. Michael didn't want to hear it.

"Need your car fixed?" Michael called out before she even got to him.

"Michael." Isobel started.

"Let's pretend this conversation already happened and you go home to your husband Iz." Michael said sarcastically. 

"What? And we're going to forget about these too?" she asked and held up what she had been carrying. They were two cups of his favorite coffee from the Crashdown and his favorite doughnuts.

"Well, we'll skip the 'talk' and get to the good stuff." Michael smiled as he took one of the coffees and Isobel handed him the bag of doughnuts. 

"Seriously Michael. Noah could get you hired as an intern and you're so smart you could be a lawyer within the year. Then you could live anywhere you like."

"I like it here Iz. And I have no desire to become a lawyer." Michael said in a deadpan voice since he'd said it every time she came out here. 

"What is it you like about this place? It's out in the middle of nowhere, no one around for miles and most of the time you just sit out here by yourself with no customers. What do you do all day?" she asked curiously.

She hadn't asked that one before. "Sleep, Isobel" Michael said impatiently with a sigh.

"That's what nights are for? How much are you sleeping? Are you depressed? Because I've heard people..."

"Isobel, enough. I'm not depressed. I spend my nights and the Pony and my days sleeping in between work." he threw up his hands in frustration.

"You have got to stop that, Michael. All that drunk fighting. It's not good. Is this seriously want to do with your life?" Isobel looked frustrated and sad at the same time.

Michael did not want to be pitied and it looked like Isobel was heading there.

"Iz! I'm going into my trailer to get some sleep. I'm tired and you've worn me out. You know your way out." Michael said and closed the trailer door in her face. 

Michael watched her go and went back to work on his blueprints.

 

Nothing had changed in the 8 years Alex had been gone. So when his time for his tour to end, he reenlisted for a third time. He didn't have anyone to go home to. He did that to himself and he still felt he owed Michael for what he had done to him. Michael had probably already forgotten all about that day. He probably had a beautiful wife and kids or a hot man and was living somewhere not Roswell. But he couldn't forget what he had done and he never would. So he really didn't care what happened to himself either. Besides, what he was doing was important and making strides for the fight against these detestable beings.

"Reporting for duty, Captain" Hallahan stood in front of Alex under the tent that kept the sun off of their, already burnt from the sun, skin. It didn't protect from the sand or the heat, but the tent helped a little.

"Hallahan. Words come down for another mission." Alex explained as he leaned over a map. "This one's just outside of the Iraqi border, in Afghanistan. The seals and the rangers will be in on this one again as well." Alex went on. The seals and rangers weren't always on their missions. Most of the time they did their own missions and kept the terrorists out of Alex's way while he did his job. But on very dangerous ones, they used the help of both the other military forces.

"Yes Sir." Hallahan confirmed and looked over the map with Alex.

When Hallahan left a half hour later another man leaned against on of the poles holding the tent up. 

"You gonna email your friend before this mission?" Justin asked as he usually did when the mission was extremely dangerous. 

"Justin, don't go there. You know my answer." Alex glared at his friend. 

His friend ignored the glare and came into the tent. "Don't you think he'd want to know if something went wrong?" Justin furrowed his brow.

Only Justin talked about missions going wrong. He was a realist and believed in leaving things in order before every battle. Alex shook his head. "I'm sorry I told you about him." 

"You didn't remember? I found out because you kept saying his name in your sleep. Hey you should be glad it was me bunking in with you and not Monroe. That guy would have outed you and ruined your career if he could've."

"Well, I'm sure Michael doesn't even remember me. He probably doesn't even live in Roswell any longer. We both talked about getting out of there. Why would I bother someone who doesn't even remember me. Forget it, man." Alex stated firmly.

Justin shrugged. "But he might still remember you. You should try and reach out. Michael might remember like you still do."

Alex bit his lip at that. What if? He thought about it but then thought it was a crazy idea. Who the hell would still care about someone after all these years and after having been dumped so badly. Even if they had pledge they were soul mates all those years ago. 

Alex pushed those thoughts out of his head so he could concentrate on the mission. He had to work out the logistics before the meeting this afternoon. He would never say anything to anyone, but he had a bad feeling about this one. 

They had to infiltrate a camp which was actually many smaller homes surrounded by a wall and two guards at the enterance. The best way to do that, actually the only way he could see how, and with the least chance of hurting civilians was by dressing up as Arabs and just walking right in. 

Alex had seen footage from the scouting parties just this morning and knew that people just went in and out of the camp because the real guards were around one home in particular in this little community. He had his orders on how the raid was supposed to go down, he just needed to work out who went where and then take the mission to his men. He looked at his watch and saw that the rangers and seals should be there soon, and he planned some more.

Alex decided if he thought positively about the mission instead of having this bad feeling, the mission had a better chance of succeeding. They had a good plan and a lot of good men in on the mission. So what could go wrong?

 

Michael woke from a nightmare screaming Alex's name and sitting up in bed in terror, sweat drenching him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Come visit me on my tumblr under the same username, Crazy4roswell. My site is all Malex, Tyler Blackburn or Michael Vlamis. Nothing else.


	3. Chapter 3

Alex woke up in a fog. He could hear voices from far away. He tried to listen to them but couldn't focus. He closed his eyes and blackness took over.

The next time Alex remembered waking up he was more focused if a little fuzzy around the edges. He looked around him and saw he was in a hospital. There were monitors an IV's. There was a window and a chair and there was someone sitting in the chair. He tried to focus his eyes that far but couldn't. Then a voice said gently.

"So you finally work up huh Captain?" Justin smiled and moved closer to the bed.

"Where am I?" Alex managed to get out, his mouth dry.

"Water." Alex asked before Justin could answer him. 

Justin handed him a small Dixie cup of water. "We're at the Tri-base area hospital near London, buddy." Justin answered as he pushed the call button to let the nurse know her patient was awake.

"What happened?" Alex looked around to assess himself. 

Justin didn't want Alex to panic so he distracted him until the doctor could come talk to him.

The nurse came in and saw her patient was indeed awake. "I'll get Dr. Maze." she stated firmly.

"What happened, Justin?" Alex asked again. 

"It was bad, Alex." Justin started. "The whole mission was bad before we even got there. The terrorists were expecting us. Someone gave them our information on the mission." he said softly.

"We have a traitor?" Alex sucked in his breath. One of his men? One of the Rangers? Seals? It all seemed impossible.

"Looks like it. But we haven't found them yet." Justin's look darkened.

Alex was going to ask another question about what happened then noticed the condition his friend was in. 

Justin had no arm below his elbow and walked with a limp when he came closer to Alex. 

"Justin?" Alex asked in a whisper.

Justin saw where Alex was looking and thought this was a good way of getting Alex used to his own injuries.

"It's nothing compared to the guys who didn't survive. And you and I got a lot of our people out of there. We dragged them out I was told. I don't remember much either. Only the beginning going all to shit. But we saved a lot of lives, buddy, and my arm was worth it." Justin laid down the groundwork for Alex's own injuries when they were explained to him by his doctor.

At that moment the doctor arrived. He was a kind gentleman if a little stiff and formal. "Captain Manes, good to have you with us again." he said with a British accent.

"Doc, how bad is it? What happened to me that I can't remember my mission?" Alex asked. He had so many questions but if Justin was walking around with a severed arm, he must have been out of it for quite awhile.

"You were shot several places. You were shot in the head, but it was only a graze. That is what is probably causing the temporary memory block. Although some of your memories might never come back. You were also shot in the left side and lost your spleen and your lung was nicked. We had to remove a little of your left lung. Another bullet went through your back but didn't get anything vital. You were lucky your spine was undamaged. You bruised a kidney but no vital organs were damaged except your spleen." Dr. Maze looked over his chart for a minute and Alex looked between his friend and the doctor.

"Doctor what aren't you telling me?" Alex was apprehensive.

"Captain Manes, you also took a bullet in your leg. It hit your nerves and although we tried to save your leg, you lost it from mid calf down." The doctor said gently, but firmly. He believed in telling the truth and not sugar coating it.

Alex swallowed and lifted the area he now saw was missing an obvious foot. He had a bandage covering the area where the rest of his leg once was. He closed his eyes and tried to process what had happened.

Justin and the doctor waited, hoping that Alex wouldn't need to be sedated if he became too panicked. The doctor didn't want him to hurt himself. 

Justin had done just that. He had panicked and needed to be sedated. It was only after talking to the base psychologist that Justin had come to terms with all of it. And he had told Alex exactly what had helped him. Knowing he had saved the lives of many of their men made it all worth it.

Alex didn't panic. He just laid there with his eyes closed processing as best he could on his own.

Inside he was panicking. He had lost part of his leg! What would he do now without a leg? Would he have to leave the air force? Would he wind up back in Roswell without anyone there any more? Would his father still be stationed in Roswell. He would not go where his father was. If he could stay in the service he wouldn't be doing any more missions. He would be a code breaker and hacker state side. 

All of this was going through Alex's mind as he laid there with his eyes closed. What the hell was he going to do? Did he want to know his status as a military man? Was he now a civilian with nothing to do? Then he remembered what Justin had said. He had saved lives that day. And it had been worth it for that alone. A lot of their men hadn't made it at all. He could do this. He could handle anything thrown at him. 

He'd already done the hardest things in his life. He would never get over or forgive himself for the way he hurt Michael that night. Nothing was as difficult as that. After that he could handle anything thrown at him.

He opened his eyes to see the doctor and Justin looking at him worriedly. 

"So what does this mean for my career?" Alex asked anxiously.

Justin let out his breath and answered. "You will still be in the service if you want. You will just be state side doing the computer coding from there. Or you could opt out and have disability for the rest of your life and live comfortably." Justin smiled. 

"Do you have any more questions for me, Captain?" the doctor interrupted. 

"Not right now doctor. I'm sure I'll have more once I process everything." Alex answered.

"Yes. Very well then. I'll see you tomorrow." 

"I'll go state side." Alex said immediately after the doctor left the room. 

"General Peterson will come talk to you tomorrow. Go over all your options in detail and you can tell him your decision then." His friend explained.

"Is that what happened with you? It looks like you chose state side as well if you're still in uniform." Alex remarked.

"Yeah. I am now going to be doing strategic command planning from Nevada." Justin smirked.

Alex laughed.

"Area 51" they both said at the same time.

"How long was I out of it? You look like your arm has healed a bit and so has my leg." Alex glanced at both his friend's arm and his own leg which was still uncovered.

"A month." Justin told him.

"A month! How bad was it?"

"Bad enough, buddy. They had to put you into a medically induced coma so you could heal. As the doctor told you your left lung had to be fixed as did your back and leg. The less moving you did during that time, the better." Justin explained.

"And you? How long were you out?" Alex wanted to know.

"Two weeks. I had a concussion and lost my arm and have nerve damage to my right leg when I was hit in the hip."

"I'm sorry, man." Alex understood the loss. 

"Yeah, well, at least we made it out." 

"Who did we lose?" Alex asked with dread. 

"A lot, we lost Hallahan and Deek, and Rover and most of seal team as they went in first." Justin explained.

"Shit." was all Alex could say and he put his head back on the pillow and closed his eyes. 

"You going to be okay, Alex? I'm gonna head out now. Need to leave for Nevada at 0500 tomorrow and I need to pack. I would have been gone 3 days ago but they were going to take you out of the coma and the doctor and General Peterson wanted me here for support."

"I'll be fine. Thanks to you. I know I'll need to talk to the psych too, but you've helped me a lot by reminding me that we saved lives and this was the least of our sacrifice. Go. And when I get state side I'll give you a call."

"Alright, buddy sounds like a plan. Maybe we can both get fitted for prosthetics together." Justin joked as he left.

Alex closed his eyes again and tried to sleep, so many different things floating around in his head. First and always was Michael. Where was he now? He hoped Michael was happy and had a family of his own. If things could have been different, he would have had that family with Michael by now. They would be somewhere other than Roswell, New Mexico and maybe raising a few kids, a dog and a cat. Oh Michael I still love you more than anything. He had more pain at the loss of Michael than he did in his leg. He wondered where his ex-lover was today.

Alex developed an infection and his fever spiked to 104. He was delirious a lot of the time and was in a lot of pain. Everyone wondered who Michael was since Alex kept crying out for him. 

Alex hurt and he didn't know where he was. He just wanted Michael. He had never gotten over him and never would. He loved Michael and would never be the same without him. He needed Michael right now. Everything hurt and especially his leg. Michael would make him feel better. So he kept crying for him.

 

Michael heard though the grapevine that the Manes boy was coming home and they were giving him a hero's parade. Michael didn't want to give Alex the satisfaction of going to the parade. Alex had dumped him and he wasn't going to go to a fucking parade to welcome him home. And Alex probably wouldn't be staying. He was probably being reassigned to somewhere else if he didn't sign up for another tour. Michael snorted.

A week later Michael was coming down the dirt road to his home when he noticed a lot of military people all around his trailer and the area around him. He noticed one of the military men trying to look into his trailer windows and turning the door knob. 

When he stopped the truck he ran out to pull the military man away from his trailer and came face to face with Alex Manes. 

"Alex," Michael said is shock, then quickly recovered and went on the defense. "Back from Baghdad. You're father must be proud."

Alex looked back at his father. Then looked back at Michael again.

"Finally a real Manes Man." Michael smirks.

"Three quarters of one." Alex stated and then he leaned down and knocked on his right leg which made a metal sound. 

Michael slowly looked down at Alex's leg then back up casually. Inside he was freaking out. Alex, he was hurt! He lost his leg? When was this? But he knew Alex wouldn't want pity, so he played it cool.

"What are you doing in this trailer? Sure doesn't look legal." Alex asked accusingly. 

"Little weed, lot a casual sex, oh and go over plans to finally over throw the government." Michael said sarcastically. "Quick Alex," he leaned into Alex with disgust. "Run and tell your daddy." he whispered, and with that Michael went into his trailer.

He slammed the door and gritted his teeth he was so angry. He didn't like being caught off guard and he saw Alex for the first time again when Alex was trying to kick him off his land. Then he finds out about his leg unexpectedly, and was caught off guard again. 

He blew out a breath and took his t-shirt off and threw it down. Then he looked around his trailer and glanced at his drawings for plans that were not to over throw the government. He had all sorts of calculations and symbols all over his trailer. On the walls, on the desk in front of him, and then he reached over the papers on the table and picked up an object with symbols on it and the symbols moved when he picked it up.

Alex let out is breath when Michael slammed the door in his face. He deserved every angry, bitter thing Michael had said to him, he knew that. But it hurt like hell. It took everything in him to keep a straight, calm face when Michael was hurling his sarcasm, bitterness and hate at him.

He knew his father was watching him too, so he couldn't have tried to talk to Michael in any way that would look more than professional. Oh Michael, he thought to himself. You never went away, you never got married and had kids or met a guy and just got the hell away from here. He was still here and with his genius mind, what was he doing all the way out in the middle of nowhere living in a beat up trailer working as a mechanic and junk yard seller! It didn't feel right. Why? What was he up to?

 

That night was their 10 year reunion party and it was inside the high school. Michael usually didn't go to things like this but he hoped to see Alex there. He hated himself for wanting to, but he couldn't help himself.

He bumped into his sister first.

"Why are you here, this is so not your scene. There are no peanut shells on the floor and all the band members have teeth." she smirked sliding him a look side ways as she cleaned a table. She was in charge of the reunion.

Michael tried not to smile. "Look, this matters to you, so I'm here. We have to go about our normal lives maintain cover for your parents, Noah..."

"Maintain cover?" Isobel looked at him like he was crazy.

"Look, Max trusts Liz, but if he's wrong, you have to do something about it." He said following her as she went to another table and cleaned it.

"I don't do that any more. I don't mess with people's minds."

"If I could do it I would but I can't so start preparing yourself. Because if Liz Ortecho turns on any of us, you will get inside of her head and erase it and make her leave Roswell, Leave Max" He whispered looking around ". Just like you did ten years ago."

Isobel just looked at him. She didn't say yes or no.

Alex came into the school and looked around. He saw Michael sitting on a couch talking with a woman. When she got up, Alex walked over to Michael with a worried frown on his face.

Michael looked up and saw Alex and shook his head.

"You cooking Meth?" Alex asked. He kept his severe expression. Trying to keep it professional when all he wanted to do was kiss the hell out of Michael Guerin. The man he'd never forgotten. 

"Yeah, Absolutely!" Michael made the sarcasm thick.

"I'm serious. Our Chemical engineers found high levels of PTP around your air stream."

"It's not PTP" Michael sighed and got up and started to go past Alex.

Alex stepped in front of Michael. They were so close now, neither backing away. They were doing a dance. Feeling each other out. 

"Similar, you should find yourself better engineers. " Michael said and tried to go around Alex once again. Alex stopped him by grabbing his arm.

"You're wasting your life Guerin." Alex said in disgust. He hated seeing Michael like this. Maybe doing drugs, letting his genius brain waste away.

Michael turned his head until he was half facing Alex again. "You trying to hold my hand Private?" Michael asked in a whisper in Alex's ear.

Alex shook his head. "Doesn't the macho cowboy swagger thing ever get old with you?"

"Did it get old for you?" Michael asked and pushed away from Alex angrily.

Alex had come over to him just to accuse him of being a drug dealer and then of wasting his life away. It was none of his business. He'd lost that right a long time ago. 

Alex turned around to watch Michael walk off with the same woman he'd seem him with earlier. He looked straight ahead again and ground his teeth. Good one Manes, he thought to himself. He had wanted to kiss that innocent eyed vulnerable man he couldn't stop thinking about and all he'd done since meeting him again was accuse him of things. He should probably go, he didn't fit in here any longer. The things he'd seen, the things he'd done. He was so out of place here. 

Michael ditched the woman and looked around for Alex. Had he left? Most likely. He'd probably only came to accuse Michael of everything. He sighed and then he saw him. He could barely make him out but he could tell by the cane and the limp. He was heading down a hallway. To the bathrooms?

He should have gone back to the woman for a sure thing tonight, but instead he was chasing Alex Manes...again. He sighed in disgust at himself but still went forward. Towards the only person he'd ever loved.

He found him in a room where there was a life size picture of Alex on a skateboard when he was 17. Michael remembered that picture. He still had it in his box somewhere.

Then he saw Alex lift his pant leg and adjust his prosthetic. Alex looked up from his leg to the picture of him on the skateboard and just stared at it. Michael would not show how sorry he was or what would look like pity. Instead he went on the defensive again.

"Nostalgia's a bitch huh?" He said to Alex.

But when Alex turned around looking vulnerable, and caught off guard, Michael melted. He stepped into the room and came closer to Alex. Now neither one of them had the upper hand. They were both equally vulnerable.  
Equally hungry. Michael could see the hunger in Alex's face. Could see how Alex was looking at his lips. 

Michael thought about it, looking at Alex with hooded eyes. He looked into Alex's eyes and then did what he'd wanted to do since Alex dumped him ten years ago. He grabbed his face, and kissed him desperately. He couldn't get enough of him. He needed Alex like he needed to breathe. He kissed him hungrily.

Alex looked Michael up and down and saw the vulnerability in his eyes a he looked at him with that hunger and desperation. And Alex did what he'd been dying to do for ten years. When Michael finally took Alex into a ravenous kiss, Alex let go and kissed him back frantically, needing everything Michael gave him. He devoured Michael as Michael did him. Then they pulled apart to breathe. They touched foreheads and took deep breaths and then just held on urgently, as if they were afraid it was another dream.

They stayed like that for they didn't know how long, but a door banging and people coming down the hall made Alex pull away. 

"I've gotta go." Alex mumbled and left.

Michael watched Alex leave and sighed. 

The next afternoon he drove up to his land again and saw Alex taping something to his door.

Michael had a hopeful look on his face as he got out of his truck, but it quickly disappeared when he saw that the rigid air force Captain was here, not Alex.

He strolled up slowly exaggerating his swagger to annoy Alex.

"You keep showing up like this and I'm gonna start thinking you like me." he quipped.

He stood in front of Alex and waited. 

"The sale of the ranch went through, this land is now property of the U.S government. You have 24 hours to move out." Alex swallowed, not enjoying this conversation. He had hoped that Michael wouldn't return while he was here. Coward that he was, he thought to himself.

Michael took hold of Alex's shirt and pulled him closer, then whispered in his face, "Why don't you tell Uncle Sam I'll think about it."

Alex reached up and took Michael's hand and moved it off of his shirt. 

"Guerin," Alex warned. "What happened at the reunion can't happen again. Okay? "

Michael just about died again. His hope kept going up and down. He tried to act like he couldn't care less.

Michael opened his arms wide in a apathetic movement. "What happened? I was pretty wasted."

Alex shook his head. Guerin would never change. "Just move your trailer." He said and started walking away.

Michael asked what the air force wanted with the land and Alex said they needed a new site.

When Michael mentioned it was an historical sight, Alex scoffed and made a joke about Santa's workshop.

 

Later that afternoon, as Michael was putting the last of his stuff in his truck, Alex came over. This time he was dressed in his civilian clothes. He was not Captain Manes, he was now Alex. 

Alex got out of his car and came to where Michael was loading his truck.

"Where you gonna go?" Alex asked.

"Tennessee." Michael answered continuing to load the truck. 

"Really?" Alex sounded upset.

"No. No there are a couple of people who still need me here. I figure I can work at the junk yard until I figure something else out." He said calmly, tired of the up and down emotions Alex caused him.

"Good." Alex replied.

"Good?" Michael asked thrown off by the answer. He stopped what he was doing and leaned against his truck facing Alex, who wasn't that far away, and waited for Alex's explanation.

Alex met his eyes, then looked away, looked down, then up again to meet Michael's waiting, hopeful eyes. "Spent the night with some old friends. They made me think about....I don't know...who I was when this started, before I went to war."

Longing and love showed in Michael's face.

"Where I stand nothings changed." Michael admitted honestly. His look burning a hole in Alex as he looked at him with such need.

"Yeah," Alex gave a light laugh. "It's clear the way you look at me. And that's the problem with me Guerin. Because every time you look at me, I'm 17 again! And I forget the last 10 years even happened. And then you look away and I remember all over again and it almost kills me, every time!" Alex swallowed, raw now with sharing his deepest feelings with Michael.

He looked down feeling vulnerable and then looked up when Michael's eyes demanded it.

"I never look away, not really." Michael said with a hitch in his voice. Looking at Alex the way he had looked at him before. With wanting and....love. 

Alex looked down, then up, making a decision. He started away from Michael.

"What are you doing?" Michael asked afraid Alex was going to leave now. After all that had been said between them.

He took Alex's arm to stop him momentarily.

Alex just looked at him, without saying anything he conveyed his own wants and needs and Michael must have read his thoughts because he let go of Alex's arm and watched as Alex opened the door to his trailer, looked at Michael again, and went into the air stream.

Michael, taking shallow breaths, the hope and longing on his face, was right behind Alex.

When Michael came up behind Alex he turned him around to face him and the longing and want on Alex's face matched his.

They came at each other like wild hungry beasts needing food to survive. They needed with such ferocity. The hunger was almost all consuming.

Alex took Michael's face in his hands and kissed him passionately like he was devouring him.

Michael kissed back just as ferociously, then when they came up for air, he pushed Alex backwards onto his bed.

Alex looked vulnerable as he lay back, watching Michael and his hungry eyes.

Michael took a few deep breaths, sucked in air, his excitement all consuming. He whipped off his t-shirt and watched as Alex started to open up his belt buckle. When he couldn't wait another second, the hell with the belt buckle, Michael crawled on top of Alex and continued their hungry kisses.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. I can also be found on Tumblr with my all Malex all the time blog. My user name is the same as this one. Crazy4Malex.


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